I can't believe TYSON GOT KICKED OFF OF SHEAR GENIUS>  The only consolation is that Tabatha, a horrible person, was eliminated as well, so that makes it less painful for me.  How did they screw up so badly, when it seemed they were the most talented of the stylists?????   TYSON, YOU SHOULD HAVE WON.

And I know that Project Runway has been over for awhile, but can I just say how much I love Jeffery?  Linda was obviously intimidated and tried to eliminate her competition by making up some stupid accusation.  Michael and Uli should have stuck up for him and furthermore, should have been insulted that Laura thought Jeffery's collection was "excellent" and didn't seem to be too threatened by their work.  I mean, if I saw those cheesy hot pink satin shorts and lace up top, I wouldn't be sweating either, but come on now....he's a better designer, he's more innovative than you could ever DREAM of being, and that's why he has $100,000, and you have a storeroom full of twelve versions of the same dress with the same cocktail feathers and the same beading.

I cannot believe that I just went on a rant about reality television.

:)

But I've totally been listening to THIS WOMAN.  I so love her.  Very 60's soul retro - her name is Amy Winehouse for those of you who haven't heard of her.  She's fantastic and I'm going to listen to this all night long.

Crafting business has been put on hold lately - I did scrapbook a little bit the other day, but my family came over this weekend, and so I didn't even get my paperwork for my JOB job done, let alone get any crafting accomplished.  I did stock up on supplies to start soldering a bit more, which I need to practice, and my mom also gave me some sewing machine pointers...it turns out I was making a LETHAL error involving the thread not being placed into the thread guide, so maybe sewing won't be so frustrating now that I've learned how to THREAD THE D#^@ MACHINE CORRECTLY. :)

Work is a little aggravating, but after Thurs I'll be caught up and that will be cool.  On Saturday I get to administer the MMPI, so that's going to be fun as well.

Ok peeps.  It's getting late and I want to listen to my bootleg CD and read a little bit before I go to sleep. 

night!

There is a new store - a wonderful store - where I bought all of these wonderful thingys.  AAAAAAAGH!
Today is a rainy, dark, floody day here in M-Town.  West Texans don't really know how to deal with water, so the schools are on lockdown, and I don't think I'll be going to Andrews this afternoon.  I have a list of THINGS I WANT TO DO TODAY:

1. laundry
2. enter in all my treatment plans (5 of them)
3. watch The Queen
4. write out a grocery list
5. pay rent
6. scrapbook

YAY!

I'm looking for some new patterns to crochet, hoping to get the creative juices flowing again.  I'm  doing well,  trying to be accepting of the way things are....I had a great time with a friend last night, and have been spending time with myself and the hamster today, which reminds me:

7. clean out hamster cage

Dang it.  I should get busy. :)

Later!

THIS is Shibby.  We've been living together for a little over a week now.  She's pretty funny.  I cleaned out her cage today, and she is "nesting" right now.  Here are the things she likes to do:

1. Stuff food in her cheeks.
2.  Poop.
3.  Chew on the bars of her cage.
4. Stand on top of her hamster igloo.
5. Run.
6. Eat yogurt treats.

She's good company, and she is getting used to being held.

I've been out of commission for the past few days.  My grandmother (the only one I have left) was placed in Hospice the other day, and we thought that she wouldn't last too long, but she's still holding on.  I've never watched anyone go through the dying process before, and it's very stressful.  I hope it's more stressful for us than for her, though.  She isn't responsive anymore, and she looks like she's just sleeping. 

Truthfully, watching her die kind of makes all my other "issues" seem pretty insignificant.  I am trying to accept and be thankful. 

will update soon!

(ok, this is a photo of a hamster that kind of LOOKS like Shibby, because I haven't loaded my photos from my camera because it's out of batteries....Shibby is actually a little bigger and darker.  But her eyes are THE SAME).  Shibby is my new friend, purchased yesterday at THE PET SMART.  :)  I like her a lot.  My mother says that Shibby is a ridiculous name, but it's too late, because I already engraved it on her cage tag.  Her middle name is Chalupa, and I can't explain that either.   So far, she's run on her wheel a lot, she likes yogurt-covered seeds, she's very smart, inquisitive, poops a lot, and likes to sleep.  Except for the running part, we are two peas in a pod.  It's nice to have a companion.  I almost wish I could call her throughout the day:

me:  Hi, Shibby, what are you doing?

Shibby:  I was asleep.

me:  you're lazy!

Shibby:  I'm nocturnal !

When I woke up this morning, she had taken half of her food and a lot of her bedding up the tube to her "condo" upstairs.  I'm scared that she'll get stuck in the tube.  She fell asleep in it vertically yesterday evening, and I had to poke her out.  She makes me happy, and I'm really excited about her. 

In other news, I went back and got my tattoo finished on Tuesday and it looks fantastic.  I'll post a picture after it heals.  I've been working a lot this week, and I'm hoping that I will keep my nephew this weekend.  I need to go grocery shopping, My allergies are getting better, I really need to get to work on Mother's day gifts, and generally, I am doing better.  Craft-wise, I am trying to finish up a baby blanket for my cousin, who is having a girl, and I'd like to try some new projects that I saw online this week. 
Ok, gotta run, more updates soon!!!

I'm still not feeling totally great.  As a matter of fact, I had two bad dreams last night, about Justin and my ex-husband - and so my morning hasn't started off perfectly, but I'm going to try my hardest to delight in the Lord and chill out. :)  I made this egg cover bunny for easter.  I was at my parents' house, and I couldn't find a pom pom for the nose, and my nephew suggested that I use the tip of an eraser, so that's what you see there.  He is crafty too! 

I have to run, friends.....meeting, then a day of travel and therapy - unfortunately, the therapy is BY me, not FOR me, so I'll just have to hang in there. :)

later!

I think it's been a year since my last tattoo  (those sparrows and stars you see there), and I've been (obviously) going through a bit of a transition lately, so I thought it was high time that I get my next one.  I went back to Jake, who did the sparrows, and I sat there for two hours while he ate a sucker and tattooed me.  He's a "cool cat", as they say, and wanted to touch up the first tattoo, but after two hours, I really couldn't take anymore.  I have to go back on Monday. :)  For those of you who are interested, I actually have a tattoo history:


I'm glad my mother doesn't read this blog, because she would be really, really angry with me.  PLease don't tell her.

Gotta run.  :)

This painting might not make much sense to some of you.  I've been reading a book called, "Hinds' Feet on High Places".  It's an allegory (a true allegory) written in the 60's and it's all about...well, really, it's whatever you want it to be about.  That's why allegory is so great.  No matter what you're going through, especially if fear is something that weighs on you, this is a story you will be able to identify with.  A friend of mine and I are hopefully going to start doing a study on it.  Anyway, my point is, it's a great book, and I have a feeling my copy is going to be dog-eared, inked up, and battered by the time my own journey nears it's end.  This painting is of three of the characters, the main character being led up a path by Sorrow and Suffering.  I can't explain it.  It's an amazing book.  Read it.

In other news, I went home for Easter and was VERY thankful for my family.  We boiled eggs, watched it SNOW in Monahans, went to a barbecue on Sunday at my aunt and uncle's house, I spent the night (slumber party!!) with my cousin and reconnected with her, so that was awesome too.  We sang karaoke, and my parents even joined in.  It was a wonderful thing to be with my family and laugh and to experience that connection with them.  I'd been really isolating myself from them, and I'm thankful they were so gracious and supportive. 

This is a time for self-development, for reconstruction and renewal, birth and growth.  I'm excited about the possibilities. 

I promise, we'll go back to crafts and stuffed toys soon.  :) 

night.

For credit's sake, this painting was done by the amazing Emily over at Inside The Black Apple.

I promised I would share the other song with you guys, so here it goes.   I heard this the other day randomly on the radio and I stopped right in the middle of what I was doing (cleaning my closet) and stared at the radio and listened.  I am not a depressed person....this song makes me cry, but only because it helps me to realize that the only way out is through all the things I'm running from.  I can't walk around my fears.  I have to take the Lord's hand and walk through them, and emerge victorious on the other side.  This song is about that.   It's also the song on my myspace page, which is located HERE.

Lyrics:

She never slows down
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone
Feels like it's all coming down

She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear
The tears will not stop raining down

Stand in the rain, stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain, you won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
Stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering
if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be  found
The only way out  is through everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down

Stand in the rain, stand your ground
You stand through the pain, you' won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain


Today was a very busy day.  I puttered around all morning, getting my older computer ready for my sister to take home, looking at bills, (just staring at them, not paying them), and doing other sundry tasks.  I also ran some errands in town, then I did three treatment plans in Andrews, came home, did another session, went out to dinner with Rick, went to starbucks with Rick, got home, felt lonely, talked to Justin, talked to my mom who updated me on the latest episode of the spanish soap opera she's watching, took a shower, and now I'm typing this out for you.  I have a big day tomorrow - a meeting in the morning, then a session at 2, 3, a break from 4 -5 and then sessions for the rest of the evening.  I'm keeping Friday relatively clear for two more treatment plans and then a POO LOAD of data entering to do.  I mean A LOT.  Anyhoo....no plans for Easter just yet.  Hope you all are doing well.  Ta-ta!

No picture tonight....but  I do want to talk about something:  In the last couple of days, I've heard a couple of songs that I wish I'd known last summer.  For those of you who don't know, my ex-husband and I separated in June of last year.  Since then, the divorce has been finalized and we've both moved on.  Just today I could have sworn I saw him, and there was a dull painful feeling, but in that instant, I knew two things:  one, that the pain from that experience was devastating...but two, that I learned from it - and I know there is something beautiful to be had because of it....some of this beauty I am already beginning to experience.  I can't remember the scripture, but there's one that says something like, "for you have been brought through this trial so that you may inherit a blessing."  This song, by Superchick, who I normally don't really care for, is haunting, but beautiful - and it tells so much about what I went through, and how the Lord managed to get me through it, and why I'm not a destroyed person today.  Please download it somewhere if you can and listen to it, because the melody is just as important as the words.  Here are the lyrics:

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to except that's its over
My dreams ran like sand through the fist that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed I still will remain
After I've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today; someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain.

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get though the day
My life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed I still will remain
After I've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
 
Here I am at the end of of me
Trying to hold on to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this passed I still will remain
After I've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain


Nice, huh?  I love this song.  I will share the other one with you soon. 
In other news, I am TIRED.  Today was a good day - I got up, went to work, learned that my office laptop is completely dead and has to be sent off (means I get to do my work at home...woo hoo!!), then I talked to Justin for awhile, ran some errands, saw Justin and gave him his blanket, which he loved...THANK YOU.  He commented that he turned out bigger than he thought it would, and that he would yell at anyone who criticized it for having skipped stitches in it, because he knew it took a lot of work, which it did.  He was very gracious and sweet.  I was glad to see him.  After leaving his place, I drove ALL THE WAY to Hermliegh, which is two hours from here, out in the middle of nowhere, and then I stopped in BIG SPRING on the way home.  I do not like Big Spring.  Big Spring is like the New Jersey of West Texas.  My apologies to those of you either from or fond of Big Spring.  It's a terrible place.   Anyway, I got home at 10 or so, showered, and then decided to make an entry before hitting the hay.  I'm tired, happy, and thankful....especially for those of you who were there with me since this whole thing began.  Love you guys.

night. 

I just got done watching Pirates of the Caribbean, and I did not feel right about going to bed without giving some props to Johnny Depp and his incomparable profile.  My niece, Jennifer, has loved Johnny Depp forever, like since 21 Jump Street (I realize this gives away our ages, and....oh well), and I'd just like her to know....

I see what you mean.

The weekend went pretty well.  I talked to some buddies on the phone, which was nice, and I spent the weekend with the nephew, as previously mentioned.  We went to a friend's house on Friday night and looked at the stars and planets with this huge telescope he has.  Christopher was thrilled, and talked all weekend about the horsehead nebula, whatever that is.  He also babbled about electromagnetic fields, which made me feel inferior. :)  We hung out, did crafty things, and today we went to the movies and saw Meet the Robinsons, which was extremely confusing for the first half hour, but made perfect sense in the end.  It was a good movie, and it made me cry.

In crafty news, I finished Justin's blanket, and not a moment too soon, as he arrived tonight and I'll hopefully be seeing him tomorrow.  I want to finish the baby blanket for my cousin next, and then....I don't know what I'm going to try.  I think maybe some amigurumi to send to my friend in Japan, because he told me he liked the little heart doll I made.  Few people appreciate useless little stuffed dolls enough to say, without being asked, "Hey, I like that heart doll.  Did you make that?"  Sweet.

Alright friends.  Time for some Allegra (what is WITH the POLLEN????) and a shower, some Golden Girls (I'll be thinking of you, Marisela and Heather), and some other sundry pills that I have to tak...oh yeah, the YASMIN... and maybe a crossword puzzle if I'm feeling froggy.  Good night, dears.

Setting:  Both of us are sitting on the couch.  I burp loudly.

Christopher:  AUNTIE KIM!!!

Me:  Wow.  Excuse me.

Christopher:  You need to learn some MANNERS, Edith!!!

Where do they come up with this stuff?

There were yellow, blue, and pink ones, and they were floating in a pool with a current and you picked one up and it had a number on the bottom and you got a prize?  I loved those things.  So much so, that when I saw one in a junk shop once, I bought him, even though it cost me five dollars.  He was worth it.

I'm completely exhausted.  I am trying to stay up as late as possible so that I can crash at around one and have a fantastic nights sleep.  Last night did not go well.  I had trouble falling asleep, and after I did fall asleep, I had a nightmare.  I woke up with circles under my eyes, and I fell asleep on the road to Abilene about four times.  While I was coming home, I actually had to pull over and take a nap. 

I'm excited about this weekend because my nephew is coming over tomorrow to spend the weekend with me.   Justin is also slated to come home from his business trip soon.  It will be nice for him to put his feet up....he deserves a break. :)

Alright, peeps.  I'm getting sleepy.  And I need to take some cough medicine. 

I'm getting a massage tomorrow!  Yay!

night. 

I don't like to be sick.  Being sick is the pits.  I woke up this morning with a sore-ish throat and stuffy nose.  This is not good, and so I am drinking TWO airborne before I go to bed in the hopes that I will wake up renewed and sore throat free.  Airborne has worked really well for me.  Actually - here's the combination of vitamins/medications that have prevented me from getting any sinus infections for the last 5 months:

 Nasalcrom:  Once, almost daily, especially if I am going to be around allergens.
Airborne:  Once every three hours when I am feeling "sickly"
Sinus/Allergy Tylenol:  According to directions, if I waited too long to take the Airborne.

We will see how I feel tomorrow.  Usually, Airborne makes me sweat and have to go to the bathroom, but it's well worth it. 

I was mega-busy today with work - I didn't get home until 10 or so, and then I had a spiffy conversation with a friend stationed in Japan, drank my first Airborne, showered, and now I am about to do some quiet/prayer time, schedule my day for tomorrow, drink my other Airborne, do a crossword puzzle or two, maybe take a xanax and go to bed.  I have to go to Abilene tomorrow for work, which is a rather long drive.  :P  On that note, I'll leave you with the following:


Mike Rowe is HOT, and he's even hotter when he's dirty. 

Night. :)

Ok, so it's NOT perfect, because like I mentioned before, I've skipped a few stitches, and ALSO, I have been beginning the row inside my turning chain, which is wrong, but it's created this scalloped edge.  This is not really the effect I wanted for Justin's blanket, but I'll bet he won't even notice. :)  I'm just ready to finish it up.

TOday has been pretty sweet so far.  I had a weird dream, which was probably brought on by the .25mg of xanax I took last night.  It's so hard to wake up from even just half a dose....I will wake up, but I'll want to keep my eyes closed for another thirty minutes or so.  I'm used to slow mornings, and this one was just that.  I do have quite a bit of work to do tonight, though and I need to get going in about half an hour.

Last night I had a great time with my friend Rick, who is now in Portland as we speak, having a nice vacation.  We ate rare steak, laughed, people watched, and planned a camping trip.  We are true multitaskers.

Randomness Time:
Here are some things I like:
Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe, the necklace I made the other day, my hair, spring weather, my little apartment, my car, laughing, and talking.

Here are some things I do not like:
The way Lynn Redgraves reads out loud (from a book on cd), almost all of my jeans, because they don't fit anymore (a good thing, but annoying nonetheless), my midsection (working on that), and waiting.  For anything.

I'm SOL on the waiting thing, because it's something that I just have to do, whether I like it or not.   It's called FAITH.  Tough lesson, but there you have it. :)

That's all for now!

This is Christopher SomeItalianLastName from Law & Order SVU.  He is hot.   Hot in an angry, blue eyes kind of way.

I'm hopeless. 

I dream all sorts of dreams.  Some of them have a lot to do with reality and some of them don't.  I dream of being a librarian, I dream of being a wife and mother.  I dream of living without anxiety and doubt.  I dream of paying off my school loans. :)
Now that I write these out, I can actually say that I'm working towards all of those dreams....last night I got online and looked at Library Science programs.  These are expensive, but not impossible.  Maybe I can find a BA out there instead of an MS.  I am trying to work hard on myself to prepare for my husband.  I learned so much after my first marriage ended.  There are many times I regret that it had to end - that I had to go through that great of a loss to learn my lesson - but I did.  It would have been an insult to the whole experience not to have learned something from it.  I've changed....I'm better.  I am no longer an angry person.  Of course, this means I feel pain much more readily, but this is ok - because I am also strong enough to let myself heal.  Healing is what I'm doing now.  Healing and changing.  I am thankful for my relationship with Justin (The Boyfriend has a NAME!).  I have exhibited things like patience and peace.....things that were not characteristic of me at any other time in my life.  He brings these out in me...and I'm thankful for that as well.  As far as anxiety and doubt - this is an inner struggle, and I deal with it daily.  I can say that I've gotten better.  I stumble often, but I also have hope that with God's help, I can take care of it.   I am very proud and thankful to have made it this far.   I love my dreams - but I love my faith more.  Without that, dreams are useless.

On a less philosophical note, I am going to pay my rent today. :)

I'll probably post a little later.  Ta ta!

You'd be surprised how 2.25 a pop adds up, but it's worth it.  This picture doesn't do the colors justice....they're just so pretty.  What?   What am I planning to MAKE with it all?  I have no idea.  But it's mine.  And I can touch it everyday. 



Here is a picture of the place where I create most of my things that do not involve crochet.  I don't really like that my studio is in my bedroom.  When I had my house, I had a perfect nook off the dining room that I loved....but apartment living is not as kind.  Speaking of my apartment, I am kind of hoping to change it up a bit.  I'm hoping to buy some artwork and maybe a new light fixtures and I'll be DIYing a lot of it, I assume, to save money.  I think I'm still in the middle of my creativity boom, so maybe I'll get it the way I want it.  I'm kind of hoping to make it a little more dramatic and a little less Pottery Barn showroom.  Not that there's anything wrong with Pottery Barn...it's just a little....yawn.

I'm feeling better today, regarding my emotional funk.  I had a work meeting and went to lunch, and now I'm in for the night.  I'd like to straighten up the apartment a little, and then hopefully enter some notes because we have a big submission at work early next month.  :P

Night!

Lovely.  I totally forgot I had this, and it sucks that it's (poly) fur, and I won't really be able to wear it until next winter.  I love almost everything about this....the pattern, the clasp,....even the lining.  It's a couple of sizes too big now, but I'm keeping it anyway.  I found some other goodies in my closet, but I realized that I need a lot more skirts and tees if I am going to make it through the summer.  This is a good excuse to go to the store. 

In other news, I am recovering nicely from the pratfall the other day.  A lovely bruise sprang up on the left side of my lower back, and I showed it to my mother several times this weekend, in an effort to get receive some form of pity.  This was only marginally effective.  Speaking of my family, I went home Saturday and spent the night with them.  I got to see my nephew for the first time in awhile, and he came home with me today and stayed until this afternoon.  It was awesome.  Here he is, modeling a half-eaten taco:


I SO love him.  :)

What else.... I am currently experiencing "hormonal difficulties" and have been bloaty, crampy, and emotional.  It sucks, but such is the woe that we women must endure.  I usually don't get bloaty, but I am this time, because the ring I usually wear almost didn't come off tonight. 

I spent the evening with Rick and Todd, my super friends, and watched the news and gave Todd a foot massage.  That is the kind of pal I am.  I got home and took a painfully hot shower, and I'm actually feeling pretty good right now.  I got a new game for my handheld, and I think I'm going to play that for awhile before I turn in.

Life is fantastic.  I guess sometimes I forget that loneliness and sadness play a part.  There is always regression to the mean - but without loneliness, we can't truly appreciate the companionship that we get from our friends and our families.  The Boyfriend has been in NY on business for five weeks.  I've missed him, but I've also had the opportunity to find balance and learn how incredibly important it is to let go, and let the universe unfold as it should.  This is a daily process for me, but I'm determined to stay on this path. 

Ta ta for now...

My new favorite blog I found four days ago:

www.theblackapple.typepad.com

Emily is amazing.